And I Will Be Cleaning My Ram Horns For The Next Few Weeks

Phew.

That is Chitunga code for, "Phew."

It is an expression of exhilaration, of thought, of contemplation, of resiliency, of understanding, and for acknowledgement.

Phew.

That's what the last few months have been. Somehow, by the grace of the The Great Whatever, I made time on weekends and night to get the documentation together to make a case of what my life has been for the last five years as a CWP-Fairfield Director: research, teaching, and service. I charted, plotted, tagged, and reflected. I did all I could. I color coded, labeled, and reported. It is who I am. And, on September 15th, 2017, I turned it in at 4:28 p.m. with two minutes to spare (thankful for GSEAP assistance to get the last bits into nice plastic sheets to say, "This is the case that I give them").

I told my colleague Evelyn, who is is the same mode as I am, that it feels like a 300 pound tumor has been removed from my stomach and brain. I try not to exemplify stress, but my body has a mind of its own. I've never given birth - I can't - but I imagine that it must be a similar feeling. It transcends 9 months, especially when the water burst over a month ago. The labor pains have been real.

I am feeling good, however, that I did as much as I could while I could, thankful that I can now transition to the new work ahead and responsibilities I have.

It is Saturday and for the first time in a long time I won't be heading into my office for the day. In fact, I may not even take the Hulk out of the driveway. I might let her just sit. I will do yard work, read, grade, plan and build on projects I've neglected for a while.

I have memories of Dr. Kathleen Hinchman telling us about the emotions of when she put her materials together. I remember her saying, "Benita Blackman looked at me and said, 'I remember that. It's not fun." She told us ho she burst out in tears and spread her materials all over the RLAC.

It's poignant and telling, but I'm not sure fun is ever a descriptor. it's no fun, but it's telling

It is what it is and one day I will say, "It was what it was." And this morning, I am hoping Isleep in until at least 8 a.m. (news flash: I made it to 7 a.m.).

Phew.